(or how I am basically two sides of one coin)
I’ve had so many conversations with people about relationships. Now I will be the first to admit, I am not very good at keeping a friendship alive, that is, not if you expect me to dutifully make a call every week, or even every month. I don’t go by that kind of schedules.
Unfortunately, this seems to be very important to a lot of people: ‘I called you last week, now it’s your turn’…and if you don’t hold up ‘your part’ it will be hard to maintain the relationship. You all know what I am talking about.
That’s why I didn’t get that people started to call me a ‘social butterfly’. Well I get the meaning, but I did not really get why people thought it would fit me. You see, I am that person, who actually mentioned in a job interview not so long ago; ‘I do not actually really like people’…. I did not get the job: They said I would fit perfectly in the team but I was not technical enough – sure…🤣
I am not joking, people who really know me, have heard me say it at least a couple of times. Now don’t be offended! I think the easiest way to explain is like this: I am basically an ‘Extroverted Introvert’.
I do not particularly like to label anyone, let alone myself, but this one seems kind of compelling, since it sounds so contradictory. However, I think a lot of people could agree with at least half of the mentioned points… which just shows most people have a little of both sides working in them, therefore the ‘label’ is nullified in my opinion.
In the article above, you can read about this and what the author is saying does appeal to me, but let me try and give you some insight in how I feel these points are relating to me personally. Do let me emphasize, that in all this, I still have the freedom to choose how I respond. Not saying I will always do the right thing, I’m aware of it. Let’s go through the 10 points.
1. Your energy level is closely tied to your environment.
Absolutely! I am sensitive to the energy around me. And without trying to sound too hazy, this energy for me is coming from the world around us that is unseen. And to be honest, doesn’t matter what you would call it, it still remains unseen. Walking in a room and sensing the atmosphere is often crucial as to how I will react to people. It’s not something I am afraid of in the least, I have experienced enough ‘impossible’ events. It does however makes me cautious and aware that a healthy atmosphere is imperative to make things go smoothly.
2. You find people to be both intriguing and exhausting.
Meeting new people is always intriguing, however, I like to think I can read people pretty well and after the initial period of getting to know each-other, it might not be so intriguing anymore – goes both ways 😉
I don’t like spending time with people who structurally feel sorry for themselves and make a competition about whose life is tougher. Those people can suck the life right out of me and nobody needs that negativity in their life, thank you very nice. Does that mean I do not feel any sympathy, or that I don’t give people a chance? Of course not. Just don’t try my patience while wailing complaints about your so called miserable life all day. I’ve worked with people like that and what starts as me being intrigued, will end in me being exhausted, which will lead in me avoiding.
3. Certain people and interactions drain you while others recharge you.
Of course the opposite is also true: there are people in my life, who can totally cheer me up and make me feel recharged. I’ve said it before: just because other people don’t complain the whole day about everything that is wrong in their lives doesn’t mean their life is free from hardships, they just choose to look ahead and try to stay positive. These are the people I love to surround me with, so we can comfort and encourage each other.
4. You can be charming but also deeply introspective and reflective.
Well maybe I can be charming 😜 … People around me – other than the ones who know me – always feel the need to make a comment when they realize I’ve been quiet. My answer would be: Enjoy it while it lasts! – no further comment needed.
5. When you feel rested and recharged, you reach out to others.
Whenever I get really tired I will want to be left alone (well, except from my hubby of course) and you won’t get me to attend any gatherings, doesn’t matter how happy they are. I always feel the need to roll my eyes when people start saying that you get new energy from doing nice things…ugh. Sometimes less is just less and exactly what I need. I am not likely to search anyone out when I feel like that.
6. You need time to warm up in social situations.
In a way, yes. I am not the shy kind, but in a new social environment I will definitely checkout the hierarchy 😉 It’s also a lot of fun to figure out who’s who, within a group.
7. It actually takes less energy to say what’s on your mind than to make small talk.
Since I am not afraid to speak my mind and I really don’t like to waste (too much) energy to make small talk, it’s sometimes difficult to connect when meeting someone for the first time. I mean, not everyone appreciates it when I forego the usual niceties and skip to what I think is important. I know I can come on too strong, even if I try to diffuse some of it by using humor… I’ve been known to speak my mind too loud… Our way of making jokes at home is of a required taste I guess.
8. You’re selectively social.
Yeah well, after all the above I think that one is obvious…
9. You have no interest in trying to prove yourself in a crowd of strangers.
Nope. I might feel challenged to do so, but I certainly have enough self respect to not give in to that. There will come a moment when I can show myself properly. Apart from that, I think it’s really important that people will know I don’t feel pressured to prove myself to anyone. I am just me.
10. You’re often confused for an extrovert.
Yep, definitely. I’ve heard so many times, people judging me to be this happy-go-lucky girl, they would tell me: ‘Oh but Wieneke, you are ALWAYS smiling’… The first thing I would say is; ‘Well, you don’t really know me… Come time you will see different sides of me. ‘Oh but, you ALWAYS sound happy’… Uhm… Just.No. And those people who know me and are now reading this, they will go.. Yep!
This is where the social butterfly thinghy comes in…It’s actually funny when I try to convince people about me not being social at all. They hardly ever believe me. And sometimes it feels like I am trying to convince myself too 🙂
In short, it means I am just very selective in how I use my energy and with whom I am spending time. Being social is not really hard for me, having had jobs where I had to deal with customers, I would say it was mandatory to possess soft skills. But when it comes to me personally, I will most likely only open up when I really want to and only with certain persons. And like I said, I expect that most of you who read this will recognize yourself in maybe half of the points mentioned.
So however much it looks like I am an extroverted introvert, there is more to it than this. Same goes for you. It’s nice and can be helpful, to have a description of what kind of person I am, but it never is 100% accurate of course, it’s just an assessment. Just like the Spark Type assessment I done a couple of months a go, to figure out, what direction I should be looking at for any new adventure.
I am not usually prone to things like this, but I was really curious if some test could give me some useful advice. And actually it did. I am not saying this will be my new ‘guideline for life’, but it did certainly help me figuring things out. For the most part, the outcome described me frighteningly well, so in a way it was not a real surprise, except it kind of was… Some things relating to my dreams and wishes were clearly mentioned and the acknowledgement helped me to accept to make the next steps – here we are 😁
My final acknowledgement always comes from God. For me there is not much use in pursuing something, if it is not blessed. I am free to make any choice I like, but His blessing makes it successful as well as useful for the people around me. He knows all sides of me and makes sure they all will be shining at one point. No label or description needed, He is my Primary Spark, for Life.
My Extroverted part wishes you a really Awesome weekend and my Introverted part wishes it for you to be a Peaceful one 😉 💖