The Effort that’s Called Support
(or how this is totally NOT IT-related, though that takes real effort too)
💝 Who or what do you support? And where do YOU get your support from? Is it possible to go through life without a proper/working, support system? I really don’t think so, we all need some kind of safety net to fall back on when times get rough and maybe, just maybe, others are relying on us to to be the same to them.
💝 Looking up the word support, you’ll see it can be used as a verb or a noun. In the end, there’s not much difference in its workings as far as I can tell. We either Give it or Receive it. Either way, it’s much needed everywhere.
💝 I would say in ‘normal daily life’, we support the ones we love and are close to us first. Well it should be normal anyways, although I am very much aware that doesn’t always seem to be the case. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and found myself in kind of a trap, thinking my support to the people around me was a given, self-evident. In a way it might have been, because it’s one of the cornerstones we’ve built our family on, but as with a lot of things in life, the moment something becomes more a habit than an actual act – of love – it’s time to question myself. How real has my support been lately?
💝 Giving support can take many forms, from something small, to something grand. If you love to also encourage other people besides your close ones, support can be anything. Anything that might mean everything to the person or organization, you’re giving your support to. However it would make sense to me, it starts within your own home/family – and that doesn’t necessarily speaks about being blood related at all! Could be any community really.
💝 I wouldn’t go as far as saying I am the one holding up all the weight, bearing all the responsibilities of keeping our family going, I’m just not that good and it would simply be a lie. But yes, I do have a part to play and as weird as that may sound, It IS my part to bear. When you’re a part of a family you share the responsibilities for that family. Maybe not yet when you’re at a tender age, but you will be soon enough, when reaching that point you can actually contribute.
💝 By sharing this, you support each other, not letting everything fall on one and the same person. But not only that, by sharing you can relate to each other and encourage each other to keep going and thus divide the weight and the burden. Sounds pretty clear right? Of course in theory it sounds pretty easy too, but most often we can be faced with trial, when support to our loved ones is challenged by circumstances. I mean, as long as all goes well, giving support almost comes naturally to most of us, no, it’s when the ‘going gets though’, support could feel like becoming a chore.
💝 Now the point I’m hoping to make today, is that giving support – of any kind – although given freely, will be a choice we’re making, whether we’re aware of it or not. As automatic as it may be in many cases, it’s still something we choose to do for someone else. I mean, responsibility may claim we Have To, but we all know We Don’t Always Want To. Taking care of our kids is just one of the ways in which we Have To show support. Same goes for our partners. Supporting our family is something we hardly ever think about, because we love them and it’s easy. Or is it? And before I get lost in the assumedly tough parts, let’s not forget, supporting each other most definitely also brings a lot of shared joy!
💝 Support, help, aid, assistance, there are enough definitions that are included in this one word and though our given support might be direct and literal, it can of course also be done by means of substance, money being the most common one. Though just simply lending a hand when needed can already mean a lot to our fellow humans, especially when they do not expect it. Support is all about Giving and in a way, Receiving, and sometimes you might actually be the only one – without knowing – that’s reaching out. Whereas families, communities and/or, organizations, can count on a support system, that one single person might have no one else but you to rely on.
💝 It’s when tough circumstances barge into our lives and threaten with a hostile takeover, support might start to waver. It’s to be expected, organizations lose support when, for example, the general economics are diving into an all-time low. But what happens on a more personal level? And I don’t want to only talk about monetary support either. Support Means EFFORT. But let me just be clear about one thing: though it sometimes might seem easier to just donate a certain amount of money for a good cause – could be world peace, but also that neighbor that’s in desperate need of a meal! – money does not come easy to everyone. So yeah, there can be real effort there too.
💝 But even if your finances are perfectly fine, supporting others by donating money is still a worthy effort. I mean, your showing you obviously give a sh*t. As a parent, supporting our kids by monetary means is kind of inevitable, though I have been told some parents would find elaborate ways to avoid this. Of course, talking about something so personal, I can only speak for ourselves, when I say: whenever it’s needed and we can, we will support them thus, because why not? I’ve been told more than once, we should not make it so easy for our kids. Well, I can safely say, the people who were so bold as to mention this, had no clue about our lives at all. So thank you very nice, we’ll do as we not only please, but also as we feel is needed.
💝 In my opinion though, it’s not the monetary support that takes the most effort. The true effort that’s called support for me lies in the mental and spiritual help/encouragement, that is needed. Being there for your family members or for a friend or neighbor – and yes, even a total stranger – in true need AND keep on being there for the long run. Not giving up on them when things don’t seem to change for the better immediately, when their choices seem (!) wrong and leading to more distress – it’s not up to me to judge – when they’re mentally exhausted and want to give up every other minute or, when they have serious difficulties accepting your helping hand, while at the same time being aware of desperately needing it. The ‘push-and-pull’ can be frustrating in situations as such and it takes a lot out of ourselves to persevere and be a true supporter till the end.
💝 It always baffles me, how sports supporters can go to any length to show their love for ‘their’ team. Football is of course the sport where this is most visible and sometimes leads to terribly awkward, but also disturbing and even criminal activities. The zeal of the supporters can be commended, if only we could have a little piece of their overflowing optimism about being able to come out as victors in the end. I’m not talking about cases where help is not actually helping anymore, if you get what I’m saying. Sometimes you do have to draw the line and acknowledge the given support is wasted and should be better spent on someone/something, more worthy. You’re the only one who can decide when that point has been reached.
💝 So it got me thinking the last couple of weeks, how my support to the people around me was actually still in effect. IF it actually still had any effect. Having grown so accustomed to just ‘be there’, I felt I had reached my own limits in regards to what I was able to mean to anybody. Covid has been easy to blame for feeling drained and it’s a much heard complaint, but I should be able to take courage from my faith. And sure enough, it does help, I mean, my faith – read: my God – is the best personal Supporter I could wish for, but this still is something I need to keep alive, by keeping my part of the relationship going. Feeling drained is not something that makes keeping relationships alive easy, quite the opposite. Talking about a downward spiral.
💝 I do so hope, you’re all able to keep up a positive vibe during these weird times, because I’m not ashamed to say, it feels pretty bad to me sometimes. How could I even consider being supportive – read: Giving – when my ‘own cup is running empty?’ It even gotten to a point where I started to withdrew into myself and that’s not a good place to be for me. I mean, I’m all for self-reflection and all that, but this is a whole different ball game. It’s where I start doubting myself, where I find myself lacking, where I feel I’m not only letting myself, but everybody around me, down. It causes me to act like nothing and nobody matters to me anymore, though nothing could be further from the truth!
💝 It’s like going straight to this homemade jail and I’m not getting the bonus either. During this self-inflicted jail time, I tend to close myself off from everything and am basically tempted to distraction, to wallow in an ongoing pity party. I’m fighting the almost constant urge to lash out to anybody who dares to come near and I’m just overall being a very, VERY, unpleasant person, in very real danger of alienating myself from everyone. Any of this sounding familiar to you? No? Good For You! Think I’m depressed? I don’t agree and you may think that’s denial speaking, that’s your prerogative. But yeah, FEELING depressed for sure. Since it’s never my intention to stay there for long periods of time, it’s definitely time to break free!
💝 That’s when ACCEPTING and receiving support comes in and the reason I mentioned possible difficulties accepting it, is because I very well know how it feels. Nevertheless: A wonderful thing about being supportive is that it will always come back to me at some point and that point is most often when I really, really, need it. Reap and you will Sow, Give and it will be Given to You. Sometimes through my own close loved ones, sometimes through long-distance-practical-strangers-but-still…friends. And when the stars align: from both. Yeah. Timing Is Everything. This received support is enabling me to ‘fill my cup’ again and stock up on the much needed overall positivity, reassuming my supporter role. God Sent, whether you believe it or not, I Do.
💝 Thanks to the above, I ended up having a really great birthday, with so many sweet bday wishes from sides I never expected. And yes I needed that boost, because honestly, one could never receive too much loving-kindness right? The shown appreciation counts as massive support in my book and so my ‘harvest’ was a generous one for sure. I felt center-staged, surrounded by love, had a very relaxed day with my hubby and from there on I was able to share positivity again. Pay it forward people. Support is needed all around us, we really don’t have to look that far, if only we want to see it. If only we want to make The Effort that’s Called Support.
Wishing y’all a Wonderful Weekend, I Thoroughly Support all your awesome plans ❤